Okay, I thought it might be time for my favorite Homerizms:

• Oh, so they have internet on computers now!
• Bart, with $10,000, we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!
• Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.
• I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me Superman.
• Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.
• Maybe, just once, someone will call me ‘Sir’ without adding, ‘You’re making a scene.’
• Marge, don’t discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.
• Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.
• When will I learn? The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV!
• Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get.
• What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
• Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
• When I look at the smiles on all the children’s faces, I just know they’re about to jab me with something.
• Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.
• I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.
• Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.
• How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
• Homer no function beer well without.
• All my life I’ve had one dream, to achieve my many goals.
• But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.
• I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.
• If something’s hard to do, then it’s not worth doing
• I’m in no condition to drive…wait! I shouldn’t listen to myself, I’m drunk!
• ‘To Start Press Any Key’. Where’s the ANY key?
• Children are our future. Unless we stop them now.
• English? Who needs that? I’m never going to England.
• Roads are just a suggestion Marge, just like pants.
• My favorite kind of wild animal is on a plate.
• If God didn’t want me to eat chicken in church, then he would have made gluttony a sin.
• I wish God were alive to see this.
• When are people going to learn? Democracy doesn’t work.
• If God didn’t want us to eat animals, then why’d he make them so tasty?
• All these guys with six pack abs, and I’m the only one with a keg.
• My dreams have been shattered into shards of a broken dream.
• We can hike anytime. This is our chance to see cars driving.
• I can’t take his money. I can’t print my own money. You want me to work for money. Why don’t I just lay down and die!
• A gun is not a weapon, it’s a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator.
• I think I’ve figured this balloon thing out, Marge. It can go up and down, but not side to side or back in time.
• Kids are great. You can teach them to hate what you hate and, with the Internet and all, they practically raise themselves.
• I never apologize, I’m sorry but that’s the way I am.
• I bet Einstein turned himself all sorts of colors before he invented the light bulb.
• Porkchops and bacon, my two favorite animals.
• That horse had better win, or else we’re taking a trip to the glue factory. And he won’t get to come.
• It takes two to lie, Marge. One to lie and one to listen.
• Assaulting your family is one thing, but I will not stand idly by while you feed a hungry dog.